Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
