New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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