drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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