the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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