Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
