Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
