I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
