i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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