I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
