when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
