there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
