my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
