what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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