I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
