Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
