I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
