sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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