I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Im part way to drunk.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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