Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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