I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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