Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
