Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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