I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Do vagina's smell?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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