Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
