apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
