I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
