we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
