i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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