I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize