I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
