"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
