So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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