i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
