the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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