So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
