I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
