Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
