I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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