One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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