I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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