I cockslap morals
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i came on her dog
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
