is your mom at the bar?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
