i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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