Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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