After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
