I look better un-naked...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
