How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
