I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
