He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
