THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
