You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
