I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
