So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
