I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
