My nipple is on Facebook.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
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i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
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