They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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