He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
