She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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