Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
