That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
