wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
