There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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