My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
