I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
