I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
