Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
