After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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