I need to stop coming to work sober
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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