i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Randomize
