You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
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my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
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He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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