I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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