I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
